Unfriended

Someone tagged her in a post and it appeared in my Facebook news feed. It hit me as strange that I hadn’t seen her post anything in a while. She wasn’t a habitual poster but she posted at least every week or two.

I clicked on her name. The evidence stared back at me. The friend symbol was gray, not the blue that indicates someone is “friends” with you. It only took a moment for the questions to start bubbling up. Why did she unfriend me? What did I do to her?

I wanted to confront her. I wanted to ask her why. Even worse, I wanted to request her again. (That would show her I knew she had unfriended me.)

But was it really that important?

That was a question I wrestled with. Why was I feeling discarded and unaccepted just because of a gray icon on Facebook?

There are people I choose not to follow on Facebook. I am just more discrete in my method: I click the unfollow button by their name. I am still their friend, blue icon intact. I just don’t see their posts in my news feed.

But who’s to say my method is better?

Friends, in the larger world context, are the ones we laugh and cry with. The ones we call when things are going wrong and the first people we want to tell when things are going right. The people who share in our hopes and dreams and, when we fall short of realizing them, help us eat a whole box of fresh, hot doughnuts while passing us tissues and patting us on the back.

They are the people we give priority to, the people whose lives we complete with our presence, and the people who complete our lives with theirs. These people—our true friends—can’t just disappear with the click of a button, because they represent more than an icon on a screen.

So why was the newly turned gray symbol an issue in my life?

I was being led to a challenging truth.

I discuss (maybe even preach) issues like these with my children. I tell them to stand out, be different, be true to you. But that is misleading if I place my value in the color of an icon.

My challenging truth made me uncomfortable. Was I really seeking acceptance and defining my value from a virtual world’s symbol?

The answer was within me. One I didn’t want to acknowledge even though it was staring me in the face.

I was seeking acceptance based off of other people’s preferences on a social media site.

My worth wasn’t, and still isn’t, in the color of a button on Facebook. It’s not even in the number of people who notice my posts, reciprocate my likes, or friend and unfriend me on Facebook.

My self-worth starts and ends inside of me. It is a gift that I grant myself; a gift that doesn’t have to be obtained and can’t be removed.

I am enough, no matter whether the icon shines a pretty blue or a dull gray.

Do you find that other people’s preferences on social media affect your emotions? Is there anything defining your worth that shouldn’t be?